 © Michelle Chan © Michelle Chan Whether you're happy being single, single and ready to mingle, dating someone (unofficially or officially), or in love with a partner, curiosity and self-preservation leads us to ask prospective partners certain questions so that we can really get to know them. However, there might be one question to skip when getting to know a prospective life partner... Most of us have probably heard or seen this question being asked or brought up on TV shows, movies, or even by those around us. Heck, maybe you've even asked this question in the past! "Are you a [body part] person?"
More specific examples of such a question is, "Are you a butt person?" "Are you a boob person?" "Do you like strong arms?" "Do you like six-packs?" At times, one partner may just willingly offer or state his/her preference, whether they were asked or not. Or maybe it's a group of friends hanging out and talking about what specific body parts they are attracted to and prefer physically in their potential mates. So why would I suggest skipping this question when you're getting to know someone who is a romantic prospect? Because by asking this question, you are in some ways validating how it is okay for the other person to value and appreciate just one part of who you are. You are also diminishing your value as a whole individual when you ask a prospective partner such a question. And if you willingly and freely tell prospective partners what body part you're most attracted to in general, he/she may find it off-putting, because in essence, you are reducing their value as a person to just a small physical part of who they are, and probably not even an aspect of them that they have full control over. Like everything else, each individual's whole is more than just the sum of his/her (body) parts. “Self respect, self worth, and self love, all start with self. Stop looking outside of yourself for your value.” – Rob Liano
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© Michelle Chan
Michelle Chan, M.A., LMFT Archives
May 2021
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